The Incarnation of John Calvin

Seeing as how Jesus Christ and John Calvin are almost like brothers, I have often speculated that Calvin was born of a virgin. His mind was that of a pure angel; his theology the truth of Heaven; and his boldness rivaled that of his sibling-Savior, who once stormed through the temple with fire blazing in his eyes and fearlessly cleansed the den of thieves. Make no mistake about it - Calvin's incarnation was the second most glorious birth to ever take place. You see, only a divinely-chosen intellect could ever understand the gospel truth that Christ suffered eternal death in hell.

My Heroes

I admire neo-Calvinists who celebrate the perfect, just, and holy will of Our Father - the will that says God elects people to hell through His sovereign and righteous decrees. Praise God for good-hearted people with deep theological understanding! That's why I've chosen the following men as my ministerial heroes:

1. John Calvin - the most famous murderer of the second millenium killed Servetus because his doctrine was wrong. Praise God!









2. John MacArthur - publicly called on Mark Driscoll to resign ministry because his ecclesiological practices were wrong. Praise God!












3. Michael Wellman - this student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary is probably the most bitter and cowardly gentleman I've ever met. After getting kicked out of the Air Force, he spent four years at Clear Creek Baptist Bible College telling all of the staff, faculty, and students exactly where they were in error (biblically-speaking, of course). Then, from what I hear, he didn't have the guts to preach a senior chapel to show all of the biblically-illiterate how to properly deliver the Word of God. In any case, I hear this guy's a Calvinist and probably thinks Jesus was one, too, so praise God!





4. Greg Alford - This guy is biased toward Calvinism in the most unloving way I've ever witnessed. But this is good, because I have a hunch he'd do an effective job assassinating Arminians just like Calvin butchered Servetus. If only our Calvinistic Army had snipers....this dude would be a good one, praise God!





5. John Piper - This guy is a SEVEN-point Calvinist, which publicly makes him appear more spiritual than anyone else who ever lived! I'm glad this guy understands that God lovingly damns certain people to hell for no reason whatsoever. Praise God!



6. Tom Ascol - The founder of Founders Ministries claims to have a desire to build bridges; however, he censors opposing viewpoints from his blog. How one can build bridges with only one perspective to promote is beyond me. In addition, he notoriously published private email exchanges between himself and the Caners (Ergun & Emir) in 2006. His protege, Timmy Brister, has followed in his footsteps, censoring opposing viewpoints from his website. As long as he thinks Jesus is a Calvinist, however, I'm willing to praise God for his deep theological brilliance!